Welcome to Che''s Rainbow Residency

Memories of Che'

When a vet found a mass in Che's spleen in November I was completely devastated. We planned to have it removed the next week while we tried to strenghthen his weak body. The surgery went well and the vet did not see signs that the cancer had spread to other surrounding organs. We recieved the results of the biopsy the day after Thanksgiving, hemangiosarcoma. A terrible nasty aggressive cancer was in my babies body. There was nothing left to do but love him as much and as hard as I could till his body would give out. He first started appearing unwell in September following a surgery to have some fatty masses removed. He recovered easily from that non invasive surgery but began this up and down cycle of being extremely lethargic, then back to somewhat normal. His appetite really dropped off and he lost a lot of weight. I took him back to the vet 2 or 3 times and they just weren't very concerned so I switched to another vet who took a blood sample, then advised an x-ray. That is when we finally got cracking on trying to help him. I am angry with the first vet that seemed to not listen to my words of concern. Maybe I would have had a few more months with him if we had caught it sooner. Let me continue the story of his decline. This cancer caused internal bleeding making my boy so weak he could barely stand. Then the bleeding would stop and he would regain some red blood cells and he could walk a bit play a bit and eat. The next day down again. During this 3 months of agonizing over what could be wrong to knowing what was wrong we became as close as 2 beings can be. He was 11 and a half when he passed here at home with his loving parents and sisters here beside him. Because his vet said he was not in pain I chose to let him die naturally. I am glad for this decision because I know he did not want to go. If he did he would have told me. He did not cry out at all in pain until the last 30 minutes of his life. And then it was just a few soft whimpers. My heart is broken now and I cry and cry and cry. I feel I can't go on without him. He was my rock, my truest love. I can't think of going on and living without his love. He made it safe for me to go out into the world. He had the kindest sweetest soul. I don't think I will ever find that again, and I don't know if I want to. It is so hard now. Some friends say he is still with me, my guardian angel. I can't feel him here, all I feel is grief. Every few minutes I wonder where is he? Asleep in the bedroom? On the couch? No, no, no, he is gone. I long to hold him again as I held him the day he died, we lay together he would not sleep, his eyes open looking into mine, or looking for Ryan, wanting us near him. He wanted to stay. An odd thing the day before he died he lay nearly motionless, raising his head rarely, moving only his eyes, and yet his tale would wag every ten minutes or so. Ryan thought he was remembering his life and having good thoughts. I like to think so, he did seem at peace. Perhaps peace will come to me eventually but for now there is only sorrow. I MISS YOU CHE CHE! I hope that we will meet again someday, I really do. I Love you now and forever, as I know you love me. If you can hear me know that I love you and need your help to be strong. You know how weak I can be. Please help me Che Che, let me know you are there beside me as always. love, mommy Today is Christmas. He has been gone almost 2 weeks now but it feels like months without him. This Christmas Me and Ryan have been a mess, both of us became ill, me while Che was sick, and Ryan now. The stress and sadness of our loss has worn us out. His little sister Tally is depressed. I try to play with her more and walk her more and love her more, and she will be happy for a while, then she hops back into bed and looks at me with her sad eyes and I know just how she feels, miserable. We live north of Seattle, and it has been raining for a week, and is supposed to continue raining for another week or two. The whole town is crying for Che! I went to the local PAWS, wanting a new friend, I found a little black puppy I liked. Went home to talk about it with Ryan, he says, NO! He wants time to grieve for CHE and I guess I agree. Also I am gone 10 hours a day with work and commute so a puppy would be awful lonely here. So I am waiting for now. But still hoping for a new baby in the spring when the days are sunny and long. Noone will ever replace Che but I am just so dang sad. People at work are kind and understanding, most of them have dogs too. But I feel bad continueing to mourn there. So I mourn at home, on the bus, when I am alone or with Tally. I talk to him, my Che when I am alone and I hope he hears me. I hope he knows how loved he is. And I try to feel his love. He sent me a feather 2 days ago. I work at the University of Washington as a gardener, and had been telling a coworker that noone has ever made me feel so loved as my sweet Che. I went off back to work and withing 5 minutes a pure white feather floated down from the sky. I stopped the truck, backed up and grabbed it, I looked up and not a bird in sight. It was Che, he loves me still. I had gotten his ashes back from the vet the day before...another hard day. Christmas isn't Christmas without Che. I love you buddy. I love you. me Che I still miss you everyday. It has been just over a month since you left us and we are surviving. I miss going to walks with you, I have so many memories, so many great happy memories. I love you kiddo. Thinking of you always, you are my heart. February 6, 2006 Still missing you awful boy. Every walk I take with Tally is a walk without you. We all miss you. I light a candle for you everynight to light your way. You are the best friend I have ever had, our love will stay strong and happy memories will live with me forever. I wear my locket with your picture every day. I love you Che. I hope you are happy, send me your love, kisses and scratches, me. It is April now, yesterday was your birthday. I celebrated by taking Tally for a walk at Carkeek Park. We went there last year on my birthday with friends, do you remember? It was sunny and so beautiful I cried the whole way missing you. I miss you because I love you. You are a part of me, I keep telling myself that you are with me. I still see you as plane as day. I miss you everyday. I haven't gotten another dog, it is just me and Tally still. You know I love her, but you and she are yin and yang. We are not whole without you. I still get angry because cancer took you too soon. I know you weren't ready to go, that is why you fought so hard. I will try to keep on keeping on, but man this spring and summer will not be the same without you. I love you Che. Don't ever forget that, okay? Well boy it has almost been one year, just one more week will be the anniversery of your passing. I have been thinking about you a lot because of the time of year. Been thinking about what I was doing one year ago. Spending time caring for you and just being with you. So much has happened, so much and not so much. Things are pretty much the same except no you! I got a new puppy you know in June, his name is Alvin. He picks on Tally and I tell her it is your revenge for all the times she hassled you. I also took in a few foster dogs, one named Betsy we had for 5 months, up until her cancer became too much for me to take. I miss you still boy. It snowed last week, I wish you had been here to enjoy it. I miss playing fetch with you, and though I love Alvin, the new kid, he doesn't even really like fetch and I don't know if he will swim. I missed watching you swim this summer. I miss you buddy. But I am okay. We are all okay and anytime you want to come and hang with us you know we will be so happy, I still feel you along for walks. Someday we will be together again, I can't wait to throw a stick for you. I better go light your candle. I love you, me. Hi Buddy, Almost 2 years since you have been gone now. It snowed yesterday and me, tally, alvin and lelu(nellie's dog), went for a walk. I remember how much you love the snow. I hope you get to play in the snow when we do! Where you with us? It was cold and windy, snow flying, but fun. Alvin really had a great time in the snow, he still doesn't fetch too much, a little, but not like you. He is a good boy and keeps me company, he is naughty sometimes though, running for squirrels, reminds me a lot of you. Don't tell him, but you are much more handsome and smart. Ryan is doing well, he doesn't walk with us at all anymore, you should visit him and tell him to be good to himself. I didn't tell you that Nipsy left me too. She is gone one year now. I love and miss you boy. Thank you for all the love you gave and all the wonderful memory's. I am still surrounded by your picture's. I miss your kisses, come visit me in my dreams and we will play in the snow. Hi Buddy, 4 years now since you have been gone and I still miss you. Our Tally girl will be 10 soon and she is getting very stiff but she still gets out walking with me and she still of course chases squirrels. Alvin is full grown now but he still acts like a baby. I hope some day he will be more like you. No snow yet this year but hopefully we will get some soon. I felt you walking with us across the street this fall. I know how you love the cool dry weather in autumn and know you were there walking among the fallen leaves. I still see you cooling yourself off and getting a drink in the deep part of the crick. I am well and have one new dog living with me now...but you already know that! Love you, miss you boy! Say hello to Cody, Nipsy, and Fred for me! Hi Che-che, Almost 6 years now since I got to see your handsome face and scratch you behind your velvety ears. Me and Tally miss you still! Tally is almost 12 now. She has awful arthritis but we still go on walks to the parks we all went to together. I still see you walking beside me down the trail and your photo still hangs on the wall above my bed. I still love miss you boy!

Che''s People Parent(s), Gabriel, would appreciate knowing you have visited their Baby's Residency. Click here to Email Gabriel a message, or to send a sympathy card click here. Email this page to a friend. Give a gift renewal of Che''s residency.

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