Welcome to Isolde "Izzy" Yindra's Rainbow Residency

Memories of Isolde "Izzy" Yindra

I have had so many doggie companions but you were so special, so unique and so much a part of my soul... I found you staggering across a busy roadway, 6 weeks old, starving and so ill that the shelter I took you to said you would have to be euthanized. How I fought to have them give you back!!! They weren't going to return you since they didn't adopt out dogs who wouldn't survive, even though I was the one who brought you there in the first place- a horrible time but I wouldn't give up. I knew you were meant for me! The vet trips, the continuous cries of "she won't make it" and you, the tiny fighter who not only survived but thrived for the rest of your long and happy life. You were always small, partially because you were an odd mix of black lab/beagle and mostly because you just never had the chance to grow healthily from such a horrible start- but you tried, at every opportunity, to add more "padding" to your body and you fought a major battle of the bulge for your later years. You loved McDonalds!!!! And driving (ah, I mean riding) in the car with me, running rings around your canine "sisters", stealing bones and hogging my lap, especially when it made everybody else crazy!!! You blew out both of your back legs from frenzied, joyful running and leaping off the couch back; yet you survived the surgeries and just kept running more. Watching you race ahead when we were all walking on the mountain top, only stopping to look back and wait a minute for the slow-pokes when you were yelled at, and then speeding off with total abandon until you were caught again- I can so clearly see it still. And you never met a wild animal that you didn't think you could win a match with! Of course, that cost you quills in the face, skunk on your fur and a bear slice down your back but you remained unphased. Any little dog of 26 pounds who was always chasing after bears (even if there was a fence there to make you braver) has to be honored! As you got older, you slowed down and I feel terrible that you had to come to a place where you could no longer run freely in the country. If I could, I would change so many things about our last few years; work less, pay more quality attention and get active instead of just believing you were old and wanted to lie around. I now know you were just bored but you still loved me so much that you grieved every second I was away. How could you be so full of adoration when you never had the full attention you deserved? I never knew our time would end! When I left that night, you were running around the living room and your last healthy moment was looking at me with one ear forward and one ear back, mischief in your eyes. Then the call at work- you weren't acting "right", maybe I should come home, and my inability to get out until two more hours had gone by. When I finally reached you, you were lying on the floor and I was told you hadn't moved for over an hour- the home vet had just arrived. You lifted your head and licked me, then went down again. The vet said we could rush you to the emergency hospital, that it probably wasn't that serious, and we put you on a stretcher in the back of his car. During that awful 15 minute ride, worried but not panicked, I heard you start moving and I asked him if I should pick you up but he wouldn't stop. When we got there, they carried you in and I still thought you were just ill but could be treated. The blinding horror when they came out and said your heart had stopped! Watching them do CPR and being told to be quieter because it was upsetting the staff; hearing them say your heart had started again, feeling joy and relief, and then having the doctor and techs continuously tell me that you couldn't make it because your blood was too acidic- did I really want to keep treating you? Of course I did!!! You had always won every battle- how could I just let you die??? And then you arrested again, and they wanted to keep me away from you and then shamed me for continuing the CPR, saying I was hurting the staff when it was obvious you were gone. I didn't want to be the one to say you should just die!!! How do I forgive myself for not holding you during the car ride, for not coming to you earlier, for not pushing ahead even when it wasn't "convenient" for them? I lost you, I lost everything that night; I've never felt pain like that before or since, and I don't think I ever will again. You live on with me Izzy, in my heart, my soul, my very being. I'm sorry for everything and I thank you for the only true joy I've ever had, uncluttered with the debris humans bring. No one could ever understand the hole inside. I will have more doggies to love but no one, ever, ever, ever, will hold the same place in my heart. I can only hope, with every ounce of my being, that we will be together again. I'm sorry- I love you then, now and forever. 04/15/2010- My precious baby, how I still have times when I cry to think of you and our loss of each other. All of these kind people say we will be together again; how I hope that is so. Life would be too hard if it weren't... I know you have seen Sieglinde by now. She died Feb. 20 and it was the first time I ever had to euthanize one of my babies. She lived to be so so old though and she failed that final day; hopefully you are now together and she is not as grouchy with you as she used to be! You always could make her crazy but I'm sure you and Ziggy and Brunhilde and Max and Schultz are all together, playing happily and painlessly again. Perhaps even all who came before you have found you. I keep up with your memorial here at the house. Your grave grows green, full of vitality and hard to keep up with, like you! You have a beautiful cascading mountain stone fountain to remind you of the forest and I replaced your flowers just the other day. Don't worry, I don't make them too tasteful- they are ridiculously big, bold and beautifully outspoken, as you always liked everything. Ziggy is by your side and I have placed a large stone memorial next to you, with landscaping and a beautiful etching of you on your tombstone. Everyone who sees it said it shows my intense love for you- perhaps you can see it as well but, if not, I want you to know it is there and it will always be beautiful, as long as I can maintain it. I also wanted you to know we are going to a place called Dogtown next week, far away from here, to get two new babies who desperately need homes. I can't live without dogs, as you know, but you will always be my "one and only" who broke into my soul and stayed there. I miss you, constantly, and Daddy and Grandma do too. Even Robert was sad when you left- what a remarkable little girl you were. Sleep tight sweetheart. 08/17/10- Hello my baby. I'm sure you have seen the two wonderful friends we have adopted from Dogtown, Addie and Peter. I so wish you had a chance to know them, although I'm sure you would have been jealous and chased them around, scowling all the time! Your 1st year anniversary of leaving us has come and gone, yet I still think of you with such sadness at losing you. I think you are sending me a message now... could it be true? Don't worry, I won't let you down. You will always be my heart and soul. 08/02/2011- Two years have come and gone today and still my heart bleeds for you whenever I see your face or hear your name, when your memory whispers through my mind. For all the love I have with our dogs, past, present and future, you will always be my soul and heart. I miss you so much, Izzy- so much, and it still hurts more than I could ever imagine. Some day I will be able to not cry when I think of your last night. Some day I will only smile when I think of you. That day has not come yet... I love you, I always will.

Photograph Album
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Isolde "Izzy" Yindra's People Parent(s), Mina, would appreciate knowing you have visited their Baby's Residency. Click here to Email Mina a message, or to send a sympathy card click here. Email this page to a friend. Give a gift renewal of Isolde "Izzy" Yindra's residency.

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