Welcome to Sam Taylor Marcino's Rainbow Residency
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Memories of Sam Taylor Marcino
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My precious little man, I remember so well the first time I saw you. It was pouring rain two weeks before Christmas. We were driving home from the grocery store and decided to take an alternate route that day. I am so glad that we did. Because there you were, running down the middle of the highway! We stopped the car and quickly rescued you from the swerving cars. You rested in my arms snuggling like you knew you were home. You were so small, undernourished and I saw immediately that you were missing an eye. I loved you from the moment I saw you. We took you home and introduced you to Nikki, my angel, who licked your little face and became your sister right away. She began mothering you and lay down next to you to keep you warm while I prepared a warm bath and blankets for you. I thought at the time that I would not be able to keep you because you were a pedigreed ShihTzu and I knew you had a home somewhere, but no tags. We took you to our vet who cared for you until I could bring you home. You had so many problems, fractured bones, several teeth had to be removed and you were near death at that time. We posted your picture all over the state trhough every vet's office we could find and sent your picture to every major newspaper in the state. There were many calls to give you a home but no one was your owner. We brought you home from the vet on Christmas Eve. You made your bed under the Christmas tree and that is where you chose to sleep until we took down the tree. I adopted you on New Year's Day and that became your birthday because I don't know when you were born or where you came from, except that God sent you to me. If I had not gone a different route that cold, rainy day, I would not have found you. You immediately became my little man, and brother for my precious Nikki, who is with you now.She has been waiting for you having gone on before in April 2006. My baby, you have been through so much in your little life. The vet said you probably had been abused and thrown out by a passing motorist. You have had cancer and survived it for three years. Now, the cancer won out. You had such heart and determination to live. You survived much longer than anyone thought you would. My heart is broken again for the second time in three years. I treasured your beautiful smile and that one big beautiful blue eye. You became blind last year but that did not stop you. You adjusted so well. I cannot believe that you are gone. I awoke this morning to take you for your walk before I went to school as I did every morning. I do not know what I am going to do without you. You provided such comfort for me when we lost Nikki. I know you have been grieving for her and never got over her death. The day she died, you did not eat for four days and you have never barked since that day. I truly believe that if you could have joined her that day, you would have. You have been sad over losing her as I have been. I will never get over losing her just as I will never get over losing you. I cannot bear this pain. I struggled to keep you alive for the past three years. You have had so many episodes and each time I thought I was losing you. But last night, I know in my heart that you were asking me to let you go. You were so weak that you couldn't stand, yet made an effort for me. I hugged you and asked if you were ready to go and you wagged your tail and snuggled into my arms and breathed one last breath. I thank God for you because you were truly a gift from Him. I hope you know how very much I loved you and I will always love you. You so loved the beach and chasing sea gulls and splashing in the water even after you became blind. These last few months you could barely walk ten feet but you tried so hard. The only peace I will know now is that you are with your beloved Nikki and the two of you can care for each other until I come for you both.Please be happy now that you are with her again, but know that I will miss you terribly. I love you forever, my little man.I have so many wonderful memories of you, but what I remember most is that you and Nikki were inseparable. The two of you slept together, played with each others' toys and shared everything. She so loved you as much as you loved her. I remember all the fun walks we took while you were able to walk and run. Thank you my love for trying to stay on earth to comfort me. But I do realize that you were getting very tired and the effort was too much. I knew I would have to let you go one day, but I prayed for miracles for you every day of my life. There will never be another furbaby like you, that is for sure. Your personality was the sweetest that I have seen. You were so loving, giving and sharing. I will miss all our special times together like you sitting next to me all the while that I worked no matter how long I was working. When I came home, you made every effort to get up, wagging your tail, happy that I was home. I will be home one day to get you and Nikki and we will never be separated again. I love you and send you hugs and kisses with my tears. You even tried to lick away my tears last night.Rest now my love.Always remember Mommy loves you forever. November 15, 2009 My sweet angel, I hope you and your sister, Nikki, are playing together and that you are now able to run and play. My heart was breaking for you these past three years watching as you could no longer play, see or enjoy the many activities you so loved, like chasing sea gulls, squirrels and running as fast as you could through a meadow. You fought harder than anyone I have ever seen. You amazed the doctors with your strong will power. And, as I sit looking through photo albums and remembering when I first found you and going through the years, I know that you were hanging on for me. I don't know too many people who can attest to such a strong devotion. There were so many days during this last year that I carried you for walks because you were unable to walk, but you so loved the outdoors. You always seemed to perk up each day when we went for our walk. I love you so much my little man. I just cannot believe that you are not with me. You wanted to be in the room with me no matter what I was doing. Remember how you loved to be in the kitchen while I cooked, hoping for an accidental drop of something tasty? Each year at Christmas time, you preferred to sleep under the tree ever since that first night that you slept in our home for the first time. Well, I will put up that tree this year and make your bed under it in case you want to visit. I am preparing your memorial next to Nikki's. When your ashes are returned to me, the two of you will sleep at home side by side like always. Your spirit is in heaven, I know, with Nikki, but at least I will have a part of you to keep with me always. I have beautiful precious memories that will be in my heart forever. I miss you so very much. I'm still getting up every hour or so to check on you, but you are not in your bed, I remember and the pain cluthes my heart like a vice. December 25, 2009 Good morning my precious baby. Today is Christmas and it is very sad for me because you have not been here to sleep under the tree like you did from the first Christmas with us. You were not here to wake up this morning to tear into your presents and have a special breakfast. All I have are the memories of you sleeping so peacefully under the tree and tearing into your presents. You so loved to tear up the paper and get the bows stuck on you. I have so many wonderful memories of all the Christmases that you were with us. You were so happy then. You would run and play with Nikki and roll over and over on the torn paper. As when I lost Nikki, Christmas will never be the same again. I have not gotten over her death and I won't ever get over yours either. You were not ever a pet to me, you were my baby boy. Nikki was my baby girl. How does one get over losses like this? I don't think it is possible. One thing I do know is that you are not alone in heaven today. You are with God and you have your sister by your side. I want to remember you today as you were all those wonderful days when you could run and play, barking and happy and having such a wonderful time. If you had lived until today, I know you would not have been able to run and play because you were so sick, but I could have held you and sung to you as I did so many times. I miss you so very much, my little man. My heart is breaking. Your birthday is coming up in a few days and again my heart will break. I will always love you. Love, Mommy January 1, 2010 Hello my precious angel. Today is the date we chose to give you for a birthdate since we did not know when you were born. We chose January 1st because not only is it the beginning of a new year, but we chose it because it was a new beginning for you and for us. It was a new beginning for you because after we found you near death just before Christmas, we thought it only fitting that you begin your new life in a new year with parents who would love you and care for you as if you had always been our own precious little man. So, happy birthday my love. I miss you so very much. I bought a birthday present for you and got you a little cake like I have done since I found you. You were a gift from God to me. I will always celebrate your birthday. Your present is placed at your memorial. I love you so much and I miss you so much. I hope you are having a great day with Nikki and with God. My heart hurts so much, sometimes I can't breathe for the pain of losing you. I wish I could have kept you with me forever. Now, I will have to wait until God calls me home to see you again. Until then my baby, please know that I love you dearly and think of you everyday.I will someday watch you run and play like a funny healthy puppy. I know you are all well now and for that I am happy, I just wish I could have made you well. I love you always and forever. Love, July 20, 2010 Hi my precious little man. I am so sorry that I have not written to you in seven months. It is unforgivable. It doesn't matter what my schedule was and how sick I have been, it is still no excuse not to write to you. One consolation is that I have your urn, your memorial right along side Nikki's in my office where I spend the majority of my time. I can look up from work and see your beautiful, smiling face looking back at me. I miss you so very much. I wanted you to live long enough to see me graduate, but you know what, I had you with me in spirit and I was wearing the bracelet that is a tribute to you and Nikki. I always wear it to keep you and your sister close at hand. I loved you so much. You had such a beautiful smile and to this day, whenever I walk into the house, I expect to see you coming to greet me with that big smile and wagging your tail. Even in the last days, you managed to crawl out of your bed to greet me when you heard the key in the door. I hope you know how much you meant to me and what joy you brought to my life. I can only hope that I brought joy to your life. Like Nikki, you will always have a special place in my heart that that can only be filled by you. I so miss you. I saw your little friend, Annie, yesterday and her mom. They miss you too and send their love to you. I am going to work on a video of you and Nikki and put the two of you on your own special website. I want the world to see how precious you were. Your little brother and sister miss you too. I still have not moved your bed and favorite pillow. It is the oddest thing, but both your brother and sister sometimes will sleep in your bed or on your pillow and they will play with your toys, but they will not take them away from your room. It's like they know these are your things and they don't try to carry them into the other parts of the house. I hope you are playing with your sister every day and running around like you did when you were a puppy. I wish I could see you in perfect health and 100% whole. Well, someday I will. I thought for awhile, that it would be sooner than we anticipated, but it is not to be. One day though, I will be coming to get you and Nikki. Until then my sweet angel, I want you to remember how much you meant to me and how much I loved you. Play, rest and watch for me. November 12, 2010 My precious fur baby. I miss you so very much. It is one year today, in fact, right now as I am writing to you today, it is almost to the minute today one year ago that you drew your last breath in my arms. You were so sick and for months you could not even raise your head. That day, you lifted your head and gave me a kiss, sighed and went to sleep. I know that you were telling me good bye. You are with me every day in spirit because as I sit in our room where you sat with me every day, I am comforted by your spirit being here with me. This was your room, particularly in the last 6 months of your life. Every day when I came home from work, you greeted me. You struggled to get out of your bed, even in the end. I still look for you when I open the door. Your room is the first room I go to when I come home. Somehow, I'm expecting you to greet me. I have your urn next to Nikki's along with some of your favorite toys. I can still smell your sweet scent on them. I am still mourning for you and will continue to do so for quite some time to come. It has taken four years for me to begin to heal from losing Nikki, and that is still going to take a while. I have let her go so that I can mourn for you in the proper manner. It is not fair that I had to lose both of you at all. You were such amazing babies. The world was a better place having both of you in it. I was a better person having you as my baby to care for. I loved you so much my little man. You were so much comfort to me when Nikki died, even though you were mourning her too. I know you never got over losing her. I truly believe that is why you became so ill. I will always love you my precious angel. One day, I will come for both of you and we will run and play together again. You can chase birds and splash in the water and roll in the sand as much as you want. Don't forget me and remember that I still love you with all my heart. One comfort is that I know you are with your sister who you loved so much. Rest and grow stronger every day and watch over your little brother and sister. January 2, 2011 Good morning my precious baby. I did not celebrate Christmas this year at home. I did not celebrate New Year's. However, I did not forget you or your birthday. Happy Birthday my little man. We really don't know when your true birthday is, but we always celebrated you with the new year. You were such a blessing to us. You were a true gift from God. It is still so very painful to think of your passing. I wish I could have extended your life. I love you sweet Sam and I miss you every day. I met a tiny Shih Tzu puppy last week and I bet you were just like her when you were a puppy. I did not meet you until you were about 4 years old, but you were still just as sweet and cute. I have never met a fur baby with the personality that you had. You were the sweetest little guy and so adorable with your precious face. God allowed me to care for you for 8 years and I will always be grateful for those memories. Remember that I will always love you and I will never forget you. You have a special place in my heart. Stay close to Nikki and I will come for you someday. I will always think of you every day and love you forever. Mommy November 11, 2011 Sam, my precious little man. Today is the anniversary of your passing into Rainbow Bridges. I write to you every week in your journal. I have missed you so much. Even though I have not written to you here, your memorial is right here in my room and I talk to you every day. I hope you know how very much I loved you and still do. I hold dear so many memories of you. Every time I pass the beach, I remember how much you enjoyed it and chasing the sea gulls and pelicans. You loved to run in the sand and sniff all the neat smells of the beach. I try to hold on to those happy memories and not the ones of you being so sick and in pain. Everyone tells me I should have let you go before I did, but I could not. People who do not have fur babies simply do not understand that I would have moved heaven and earth to prolong your life if I could keep you comfortable. A Mother's love is strong indeed. You and Nikki were my children in my eyes. You were never treated like pets. You were my hairy, furry babies. Remember how I would sneak you and Nikki into hotels? It was so funny. People thought I had two babies wrapped up in blankets. You sure minded better than most human children. I miss you so much. My heart has not yet begun to heal. I have tried. I have just begun to heal somewhat for Nikki. It just takes time. I am so grateful and thankful that God allowed me to care for you as long as I could. I don't think you are too sad because you have your precious sister to look after you. I know you wanted to be with her. And, when you let me know it, I let you go. It was so painful for me but I know you needed to go. My baby, I hope you have a wonderful life, free from pain, able to see and play with Nikki and your new friends. I dream of the day when I can come to heaven and get the two of you. I will always love you and think of you daily. I love you more than anyone knows. Watch over your brother and sister here on earth when I am away. They loved you too. I send a giant hug and many kisses your way. Love forever, Mommy. December 25, 2011 Merry Christmas and Happy Hanukkah to you my precious little man. I love you so much and I miss you terribly. I celebrated a little this year mostly because of Alyssa, my granddaughter. The two Yorkies liked their presents and they enjoyed them. trying to take each other's present like you and Nikki used to. I miss so much how you enjoyed tearing into your presents and getting the bows stuck on you and running around playing. You would slide on the wrapping paper and jump in and out of boxes. I think you enjoyed the wrappings as much or more than your toys. I have many funny memories of you and your antics. However, my sweet baby, the memories are not enough. I want you here with me. I want to hold you, pet you, brush you, dress you up and play with you. I miss you so so much. I know in my heart that you are better off with God now because you were so sick when you left me. You would not have enjoyed this time of year like you used to because you would not have been able to run around and play. So, my little love, I will have to wait and have faith that I will get to hold you again and play with you and run and chase birds again. Just always remember that I loved you so very much and I will continue to love you with all my heart. My tears for you are mixed with joy and pain. I'll always love you forever and always. Mommy April 14, 2012 Good morning my little man, Mommy misses you very much. I love you so much and I wish there was some way I could bring you back to me. I still look for you every day when I open the door. As I think Nikki's spirit visits Zorro to comfort me, I am wondering if you visit Bella to comfort me. She is beginning to take on many of your traits. She is the one who runs to meet me when I open the door after coming home from work. Even when you were so sick, you made every effort to get up to greet me. I am so sorry that you were so sick in the end. I would have done anything to save you, but the vet said there was nothing I could do. I know you stayed alive as long as you could for me. I know when Nikki died, you wanted to go with her. But, you didn't, you stayed with me to comfort me. I love you so much, my precious little man. I know you are happy to be with your sister now and the two of you can rest side by side and walk with God who created you and sent you to me to care for you until He was ready to have you return. I am so grateful for the time He let me care for you. I will see you again someday my little love. I will hold you again and the next time we are together, I will never have to leave you. We will be together always. This is the anniversary of Nikki's death which I know you remember so well. It is still so vivid for me. Watch over your big sister and protect her always, let her know Mommy loves you both and I will be thinking of you every day and you will always be in my heart. I love now and forever. Love, Mommy |
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