Travis was my baby boy. I got him when I moved out of my Mum's house a few days after Christmas 2009. No words can describe how much Travis meant to me. He was my best friend, the only thing in my life that literally made me want to explode with so much love. He wasn't just a cat, he was my best friend, we did everything together. In his short life we gathered so many memories, we lived in Ireland for 4 months in summer 2010, he was the most perfect cat, such a naughty boy but so good at the time time, always up to mischief. After about 9 months of me and Travis living on our own I moved back into my Mum's place, she is not keen on cats at all, but after a few weeks she absolutely fell in love with him, you can't help but love Travis. We have so many memories, too many to write down, they are all stored in my head forever. On 6th Feb 2011 I woke up at 6am, had my regular cuddles with Travis under the covers, at 6:30AM I let him out like I do every morning, I left for work at 6:45AM and at 6:50AM I got a call from someone saying they had just knocked him down and he was dead. This was single handedly the worst moment of my life. I cannot begin to explain it. I got to my little boy within a few minutes, he looked to perfect, he was killed instantly, no suffering, he looked like he was sleeping. I took him inside and cuddled him with my Mum, he was so warm, I never wanted to let him go. I decided to get him cremated, I now had a beautiful urn with his ashes, and my Mum surprised me with a silver heart pendant necklace that has a little chamber inside that holds a small amount of his ashes, he is by my heart forever now. I'm not sure what else to say, except I know he's looking down on me now laughing, telling me to stop being so sad, I know he's at peace, but he was only a year old, I still have so much love to give him, I miss him so much its unbearable, I know I'll see him soon, but I don't see this getting any easier, I love you little man, have fun over there.10th Feb 2011
It's been 4 days since you were taken from me my little boy, the hardest four days of my entire life. I'm so confused how you could of been here cuddling me 4 days ago, and now you are in front of me in an urn, it doesn't make any sense to me, I still see you so vividly, it doesn't feel like you are gone, I know you are, but I still feel you, I still see you sitting on your sofa, I can still see you yawning, I can still see you sitting on top of the tv like you're the king of the castle. I don't understand it at all, I hope I do soon because I'm going out of my mind. Little baby Travis please come home I feel empty.
11th Feb 2011
Hey Baby, I'm going to Portsmouth today to stay with Rachel, you met her once, she's my other best friend since I was little, you didn't see her much because she moved away for University when I first got you, I hope she makes me feel better. I feel sad leaving Mum here, I'm going to leave you here too to keep her company, I've still got you around my neck to keep me company and to keep me strong, but you look after her okay, I know she's going to be sad but you make her know you're there with her okay little man. Me and Mum were looking through all your photos last night, God I've got so many, we had a little cry together, you're so missed little boy, I hate that it's getting further away from when you left me, I love you little skitter, I still call you that you know, sometimes I'm walking around the house and just shout it out, I know you hear me. I won't be able to write for a few days but know I'm thinking off you every second. I love you so much Travis, always. I really hope you're having fun over at the bridge, I hope you found T.J and Buddy, I met their Mummy last night on here, she's lovely, I bet they look after you. Missing you xx
17th feb 2011
Hello little skitter, I hope you're well, I'm sorry I haven't written in a while, I left my macbook down in portsmouth can you believe it!! So I've had to use mum's PC and it's hard to use! I finally got on here though. Portsmouth was really fun, I was so aware of how much I was trying to fill the void though, but it was just what I needed. I know you know what happened down there, and I would like to think you had something to do with it, you know I've wanted it for a long time. It's been almost two weeks little man I hope you're missing me. I haven't cried about you since I got back from Portsmouth, I don't understand why, it's like I can't anymore. I haven't thought about you much either, it's like my brain won't let me. It's making me sad, I feel like you really arn't here anymore, I could still feel you up until the weekend, where are you now? I really wish you would let me know somehow. Mum went to London this morning, and I'm home all alone till Saturday, it really hit me when I came home from work today, there was no one here. I always felt so safe with you here, I wouldn'gt be scared off the dark, but I'm scared now. I had a dream about you last night Travis, I can't remember it though, people say that the dead get in contact via dreams, but you'd make me remember it wouldn't you? You were a ghost in my dream I remember that much, and only me and Mum could see you. Please give me something more solid, make me dream about you on the bridge. I'm crying now, I guess I can still cry. I love you xx
28th March 2011
Travis, I feel so bad that I haven't written to you in so long. Thing is I'm finding it really easy to not think about what happened. I think about you all the time, but I never let myself think that you really arn't here. When I do, it just hurts too much. I'm in Ireland at my Dad's house right now, I can't explain how hard it was to come back here, I think it really dawned on me when I was walking up the stairs to my bedroom here that you are really gone. I keep thinking about the 3 months we lived here last year, and how much I missed home in England, but it was okay because you were here with me so I wasn't as lonely. I asked my Dad if I could sleep in the pink room this time, I went into my old blue room and as soon as I saw the window sill I just kept imagining you on it. I know you're there arn't you, I just can't see you right now. The most awful thing happened Travis, the day I was going to the airport to come here, I took my heart necklace urn that has your in it off as I was having a shower, I put it in my handbag as I thought it might set off the security in the airport, when I got here to Ireland I looked in my handbag and it had vanished. I hadn't cried in to long travis, not properly, but I just broke down, I lost it, it had just dissapeared, I was screaming at you Travis, asking you why you'd do that to me, I know I have loads of your ashes in the real urn back home, but that little necklace was so special, I kept you close to my heart always. I rang my Mum in the middle of the night crying and she said there was nothing I could do, it could happen to anyone it was just a silly mistake, but I hated myself for it Travis. The next day I was unpacking my things and I took everything out of my suitcase and there is was, right at the bottom, hiding. I couldn't believe it Travis, I felt like bursting with happiness, I knew you wouldn't do that to me little man, it made me feel so good, I found you, you were only gone for a little while, now I think it was a message from you, you're only gone right now for a while, but I'll see you soon, you taughted me that right there and then Travis. It was my birthday last week too Travis!! I can't believe I'm 20, jeeze. Mum got me the nicest present, she made me a big photo frame with loads of photos of you in it. I burst out crying when I saw it. You are so special. Things are changing so much in my life now Travis, me and you were supposed to move to portsmouth in september for me to go to university, but I'm going alone now, I hate that, I wish you were coming with me. I really want to go home to my Mum now, I miss you so much, I don't know what else to write. I hope you are having fun, I miss you every day every second.
2nd April 2011
I'm having a bad night tonight Travis, I think it's being away from Mum, I really miss her, which makes me miss you even more. I keep crying and crying. It's weird to think but the whole time I had you, I never felt lonely, you were always with me, I'm really lonely without you here with me Travis. I keep thinking about getting a new kitty for when I move in September, but I don't know if I should you know? No cat will ever be you, I wouldn't want them too, you are seriously one of a kind, but I don't think I could go through this all again, if the worst happened? I love you so much, I wish you'd come to me in a dream. It's been almost two months, I hate that. Why couldn't I of kept you in that morning :( you are so silly running out in the road Travis. I hated you being out the front, remember when I was driving home from work and saw you, I double parked my car almost blocking everyone and caught you and brang you inside, like a child being naughty! Haha. I wish I could off done that for you that morning. Always so naughty. I love you sweet dreams xxxx
19th April 2011
Travis I'm home now, I've been home for almost two weeks now. On the way home home from the airport my Mum said her friends friend is a pet whisperer and can speak to dead pets. I got SO excited of the prospect of being able to speak to you, I went into bed that night and my mind was going so crazy thinking about what questions I could ask you and how I could find out how you're doing over there. The next day my Mum rung her friend but she said she doesn't do it anymore :( I was so upset. I guess I'm just going to have to imagine now. I really hope you are okay babylove. Tonight when Mum came in to kiss me goodnight when she was walking out she said 'Night Travis' to the photoframe she made me, and then I think it hit her a little bit and she sounded like she got a lump in her throat. You're so missed Travis, I miss saying goodnight to you. I miss you sleeping on the other pillow beside me, and you know I actually miss you waking me up in the mornings!! I love you.x
2nd June 2011
Hello baby, how are you? I'm sitting here in the living room, I keep looking over at your little chair, I know you're probably there watching me, purring away, but I just wish I could see you. Mum and I don't talk about you much anymore together, I sometimes like talking about you with people, but mostly I like to wait till I'm alone in the house and I go on here and have a good little cry. Yesterday when me and Mum were out walking around the lakes I asked her if she misses having a cat, she said 'I don't like cats, you know that, I don't miss having a cat, but I would give anything in the world to have Travis back, only him' That made me so sad :( I can't believe it will be 4 months in 4 days time, I hate it being that long away, it's only 2 and a half months till I move to Portsmouth for university, I wish our plans were still the same Travis, I was so excited for me and you to go start a new life down there 100 miles from home, I feel like I'm doing it alone now, but I'll be taking you with me in my heart, you're always there little baby, I hope you are having the time of your life right now. It was funny, last week there was this big thing around the world that apparently the world was going to end, a crazy man predicted it, obviously most people brushed it off, as did I, but I was thinking if it was true, at least I could see you, I would swing by Rainbow bridge and pick you up :) Loving you, missing you, I'll write to you soon little man xxxxxxx
14th December 2011
Oh my goodness Travis Kelly! It has been so long since i've written, I'm so sorry, how have you been? I bet you are the king of the jungle over there! As you know I've moved to portsmouth, I've been here 4 months now travis! things haven't been so good lately with me, I can't help but think if you were here all this wouldnt of happened, you always made me so happy, no matter how sad i was I always had my little man. I love my new room, its so cute, and of course you are on my bedside table a long with such a handsome photo of you :) You are still always in my thoughts Travis, but I no longer get too sad, I know you are having such a good time, I still have a hard time thinking that you are inside the urn, it still confuses me, i love you so much. Sometimes I sleep with you in the bed!! haha, but it's so cold! it's almost christmas, jeeze remember last christmas when we went to the isle of wight, all of us in the living room on christmas morning so much wrapping paper! you didn't know what the hell was going on did you! crazy boy. I'm going to miss you a lot travis, i miss you everyday, so does mum. I really wish I could see you again, but I'll see you soon. I promise to write again soon, I got a new macbook and didn't know the password to this but I've got it now so I will be swinging by again to say hello :) Love you, big cuddles xx
6th Feb 2012
It's one year today since you left me Travis, I was up all night revising my exam that is today, I watched 6:50AM pass by, I was holding your urn and had a candle lit, I had an urge to open the urn again, but I had nothing to open it with!! I'm sure you witnessed my struggle. It really doesn't feel like a year, I've come to accept that you have gone now, I look back at my old entires and I see just how heartbroken I was, I am so glad I am past that now, but am so glad I felt it, I believe I'll never feel that way again, you were my first loss, you were my family, you are my family. Mum is coming down today :) shes ever so sad too. I miss you so much, I hope the past year have been super fun for you over there, causing mayhem as usual I'm sure:) I love you with all my heart and more. Hopefully you'll be my good luck charm in my exam today. Love Stacey xxxxx
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