We will Always Love You, TT. Mama & PapaThis morning, we set our beloved TT free. She had just turned 17 the week before. We have watched as chronic kidney disease slowley wasted her poor little self,away. We watched as arthritis made her movement guarded and sometimes painfull. TT and I have had a special bond for many years. Sufice to say Judy, my wife, called her The Other Woman" TT loved Mom, but I belonged to her.
The worst couple of weeks of my life began about 2 weeks ago. Her kidneys were way worse and she had to start getting fluids. She had some at the vets, but we had to do it, as she had to have them once a day. We tried, and we were so scared. But the first time we got about 50cc in her out of the 100 needed.But not too bad, tramatic in any case. By the 3rd time, after another lesson from the vet, TT let us know that she was not going to tolerate it anymore. I knew what it meant, and I cried so hard, I thought I would be sick. Judy and I knew we had only two options. And having our beautiful little missy girl, stuck with a very large needle and be made to hold still for several minutes, was Not going to happen!
So we set TT free about 7 and 1/2 hours ago. We just got her ashes back. This hurts as much as I feared it would. How does a person make it through this? I am a 58 year old man. And my heart is broken. I miss her so much already.
Day 2 2/23/2008
We met TT on a cold rainy day in Oregon. We lived in an apartment at that time. I was in my recliner, watching tv, when I heard a faint meowing from outside. Judy opened the door and the wettess little gray ball of fluff you have ever seen, came in. She was crying and soaken wet. I had a flannel shirt on. She ran right up my arm and nestled tightly to my neck for warmth. We dried her off and went to look for her owners. They lived 2 doors down. One of their kids had let her out. We returned her to them. This happened several more times. I could not stand her pathetic little meowing at my door, even at night!
So, I kidnapped her and gave her to my friend, who promised to care for her well and not leave her out in the rain and cold. Marcia kept her for about 1.5 yrs. She called one day and said she was moving and could not keep her. Did we want her? Her former owners had moved, so we said yes. I will never forget the day we went to get her. TT,(they called her Normie) was on the roof looking down at us. She was fed from a large bag of cat food on the patio. Marcia said she was afraid of kids and other animals. She pretty much kept to herself. I called to her and it wasn't long before she came down. I sweet talked her into to coming to see me. We picked her up and took her home to what was the beginning of a long and rewarding life together. The first thing we did was change her name. She just was not a Normie!
TT stayed upstairs for quite a few days. Judy came upstairs the first day as TT was sitting on the toilet, looking down at me as I tried to show her how to use her new catbox. Both TT and Judy were laughing, I think, as I dug into the box to show her how.
2/25/08 Good morning my missy girl. Dad's TT. Papa misses you so much. I hope you are having a wonderful time. Mom and I will be there tonite, lighting a candle. Come be with us. We miss you so. All my love, every second of the day.
2/26/08 Mommies pretty little girl, life is so empty without you. Wish you did not have to go. Would love to have one more day forever. Letting go was to spare you the needless pain of IV's... You showed us what you thought about them with no question in our minds. As always, you were in charge and we followed your lead. If only if there was a way to have your health reversed... then my precious baby... you would have not won the battle!!! Papa & I will carry on some how some way. I told you I would take good care of him. Right now I do not know how good of a job I am doing because I am in my greif as well. Bye for now precious TT. Mommie has to get ready for work.Play today and have lots of fun outside with all your new friends. oxox. My arms ache to hold you.
2/28/2008 Week one today. It seems like so much longer. I can't coount the number of times I have thought of you. The number of tears can't be counted. This pain is still almost unbearable. Please please come see me today TT. I just need to know you will be waiting. I love you so much. Your dad.
2/21/2009
My TT, papa's pretty missy girl. It seems like only yesterday when I held you for the last time. It is so hard to believe it's been a year, I am a mess today. I know you would not want that, that you got upset when I was upset. Well, I guess I can't do much to help it. I miss you so much. I didn't want to do this today, but the tears won't stop. I didn't think it could still hurt so much after a year. I was wrong. I would give darn near anything to hold you, to smell you and to be able to pet and kiss your sweet head. I think about you all the time. I pray you are happy and are able to have all the tuna you can eat. I bet you have a nice sunny spot all for your own.
Mr. Higgins has helped papa get through this, but he sure can't measure up to you. There will never be another Us. I know that Mr. Higgins dad must be very happy that Mr. Higgins has found a home with us. You know he needed help, and so did we. Mom and I talk about you alot. We remember the good times. I wish I did not remember a year ago, today. It just hurts so much. I think my heart must break. It's so hard. I will write more today and will get more of your beautiful pictures uploaded. Until then...all my love, papa's pretty missy girl.
2/21/2010
My TT..papa's Missy Girl,
Its' so hard to relive this day. Two years have passed. I still grieve and long for the day when we are reunited. I think of you almost every day, not with tears usually, but with a smile now. I remember how you used to jump up on the bed with your little announcment. "Here I am" Then you would decide who you were going to lay on that night. I always hoped it would be me. If you wanted chin scratches, it would be mom. How I miss you! Tears fall once again as I long to hold you. I remember how you used to lay on my pillow, above my head and you would lightly touch my head with your claws to get my attention. How you would then get under the covers and I would make a tent with my legs so you would be comfortable. You were so precious. I miss the way you smelled. So sweet. I loved to bury my face in your soft fur and listen to you purr. How you would pat my arm as I held and petted you. We were so connected. I feel your presence still. I hope you feel mine. I will be 60 next month, and am coming closer to the day we will be together. Each day is one day closer. I know you are in a better place now. Those last days were so hard on all of us. Oh Missy, I miss you so much! Please come see papa tonight in my dreams. Just know, baby, I carry you in my heart and memory each and every day. All my love for eternity and beyond.
Your Papa.
2/21/2012
My Precious TT..
I am so sorry I did not get to write you last year. As you probably know I went into the hospital on this date one year ago, for the second time with-in a month. It was after the terrible car accident in January. I ended up with blood clots in both lungs. I almost got to join you and God. But Mom needed me and I stayed with her. I miss you so much, you don't even know. The three old cats we rescued last year after we lost Mr. Higgins can't even begin to fill that void. But now when I look at pictures of you, I can smile instead of crying. It seems that Mom and I remember lots of little things that made us smile. Like when you would announce yourself as you jumped up on the bed. We would both wait quietly for you to decide who you would lay on.I always hoped it would be me. I know that life is better for you, no pain. Lots of tuna and chicken. I look forward to the day I enter the Bridge and you run and jump into my arms. I dream of that moment. I carry you in my heart until I can hold you in my arms. Have fun in thge sun and take care of your brother, Mr. Higgins. We love you missy!
Your Papa
For My Girl TT
God knew that you were suffering.
That the hills were hard to climb
So He gently closed your eyelids
And whispered "Peace be thine."
In tears we watched you sinking
We watched you fade away
Our hearts were surely broken
You fought so hard to stay
But when we saw you sleeping
So peaceful, free from pain
We could not wish you back
To suffer that again
It broke our hearts to lose you
But you did not go alone
For part of us went with you
The day God called you home.
Email this page to a friend.
Give a gift renewal of TT's residency.