Welcome to gizmo's Rainbow Residency

Memories of gizmo

Everyone says that time eases the hurt but I don't think that is true. It has been alittle over 2 months since I lost you and I have to say that it hurts as much now as it did that day. I keep catching myself thinking that I see you out of the corner of my eye and I think that I am just wishing you to be there again. It is amazing how much a 5 pound dog can change so many peoples lives. For almost 13 years our little "Giz" brought so much joy and so many laughs to our little family. My grandparents watched him everyday while I was at work. He was so much company to them and he loved every minute of it. They spoiled him rotten just like we did. He use to go on tractor rides with my grandpa, his little ears would just blow back in the wind. It made us all laugh. He loved mamaw and papaw. My grandpa use to call Gizmo his little buddy. Gizmo was so special to all of us. I think that he knew we needed him just as much as he needed us, maybe more. I don't know how to deal with him not being here anymore. Everytime I lay on the couch I find myself scooting all the way to one side so he can lay by me like he did every day. It is funny how something so small could take up so much room on a big couch! He was tiny but had a huge personality. He is everywhere I look. I have so many pictures of him everywhere, he was my little boy. I kept a few of his toys out where I can see them, I cannot bear to part with them. I keep his treats on the counter, I feel like if they are still there, then he is still there in some way. It is crazy I guess. 12 years is just not enough time with your best friend. He just got so sick so fast, over a few days. I never wanted to have to make the decision to put him down, I just didn't have a choice. He was hurting so bad. I couldn't let him hurt anymore. I hope that he is not hurting anymore and that one day I can see him again. 6/16/05 Hi baby, we went to visit you at the Pines pet cemetary the other day. It is beautiful there, I know you would like it. The people that work there are so nice and they bring there dogs to work with them. There were dog's running around everywhere. You have friends all over that place. You are in a beautiful spot, right by all the flowers, and right in between two female doggies! I know you are loving that! I miss you so much. I moved into a new place. I wish you could be here with me. Each day is still so hard for me. It is still so hard for all of us. Papaw is still not doing well since you left us. It is so hard for him to accept that you are gone. You were his little buddy, his only buddy. You are missed so much. I still feel like maybe I made the wrong decision about putting you to sleep. Maybe you could have gotten better. I cannot stop thinking that. I found the snoopy sweatshirt that I was wearing when you took your last breath while I was holding you. I don't wear it, I just keep it in the closet. You are still so much a part of me every day. Some people don't understand how a pet can change a person's whole world. I have your pictures up in our new apartment. You will always be my special little man. I just hope that I did the right thing for you. I miss you so much little buddy. 8/12/05 10:35 Hi little guy, I am not able to sleep tonight. I have been having alot of nights like that again. I don't seem to sleep well in the new place. I don't know why, I really like it here. When I use to have trouble sleeping you and I would curl up on the couch and watch TV untill we fell asleep. The only difference is now I have to do that alone. It was alot better when you were curled up on that couch right next to me. Everything was easier when you were there with me. I really miss you, I got your picture tattooed on my back a few months ago, now I can have you with me all the time. I still dream about you pretty often. I am glad that I do, at least I can see you that way. I love you baby. SEPT. 6 2005 I finished the shadow box that I have been working on, I put your favorite stuffed owl in there with a picture of the two of you together. You got him the night we brought you home all those years ago. I could never get rid of him, he was your best pal. I miss you little man. I love you more than ever. 10/13/05 Me again little buddy, I just wanted to say that we visited your grave the other day and I put a pumpkin on there for you. Halloween is coming up and that was always our favorite holiday, the kids will miss seeing you dressed up in your costumes. I still miss you more everyday. Love, me. 11/14/05 I was just sitting here missing you, I just cannot seem to let you go. You have been gone 9 months now. It just does not get easier. Some days it is so hard without you. You just made life a little easier. I wish you did not have to go, I just want to see you one more time and hold you for a little while longer. I hope with all of my heart that I will get to do that again one day. I miss you so much. I feel so lucky to have had the chance to be with you for almost 13 years. They flew by so quickly, those memories are what keeps me going some days. I wish you could have lived forever. I feel like a huge part of me is gone, I guess it is. I love you so much.1/17/06 Hi little one, we brought home a little puppy last week. I am having a hard time dealing with the guilt I feel about loving the new puppy. I know you would want me to be happy but I just feel guilty. He is a cute little guy, we named him Taz. He is nothing like you when you were a pup. This guy bites, chews and is quite a kisser! ha..I miss you just as much as ever. I still cannot believe you are really gone. When I stop and think that I am never gonna get to hold you again and feel you in my arms it is just to much to bear all over again. I still cry all the time for you, I have never felt a bigger loss in my life. You truly are my heart. A girl at work painted a big water color picture of you for me, it is breathtaking. She captured you exactly. I still have pictures of you everywhere, seeing your beautiful little face makes me smile. I love you so much, I really hope that you know that. We all love you so much, we will never stop loving and missing you. 2/16/06 Today is the day...it has been one year since you left my arms. I don't know where the time has gone. I miss you so much. My heart is still broken, I don't think it will ever be whole again. You just made my world complete, you made everything better. I still don't think I will ever be myself again. Mom and I are going to visit your grave Monday. I saw Dr. Bercz recently when I took the puppy in for his shots. Doc said it was a good thing that we got the new guy. I guess it is. I had to wait in the same room that we were in when you took your last breath in my arms. It made me cry, nobody saw me but the puppy. I burried my face in his fur and cried, he seemed to understand and just let me cry. All I could think about was how you felt in my arms that day, and how I would never be able to hold you and kiss you again. I still feel like you are around sometimes. When I am drifting off to sleep at night, I think about you so much. It is like you are there, it comforts me. Heaven truely is a better place with you in it. I hope they are taking good care of you up there. I miss you so much, my heart actually hurts. I love you and I miss you always.5/7/06..Hi sweetie, bet you thought I forgot about you huh? I didn't. I miss you today as much as I did the first day you left my side. You are still so much a part of my everyday life. You are never far from my thoughts. Taz is keeping mom busy. She has her hands full with him. He is so different than you were as a puppy. He is a sweet little guy, but he chews on everything! He has just about destroyed her furniture. I would give anything to have just a few moments longer with you. I am going through alot right now and things would sure be easier to face if you were here with me again. I hope that you are in a good place and that you know how much I love you, and think about you everyday. The grief that I have for you is almost unbearable. I feel like my heart is never going to heal. It just doesn't get easier, I guess it never will. You were the only thing to bring alittle joy into life. I love the new little guy, but it is not the same. You were my baby, and nothing is ever gonna change that. I close my eyes and imagine that you are here with me again, snuggled up on the recliner or the couch. I would give anything to hear your little bark. I think about the times that you woke me up about 5am with that same little bark and how I yelled for you to be quiet so I could go back to sleep. That kills me to think about. You were just trying to get my attention, I know that now. When you were older, you became afraid to be alone. If I could go back and change all those times, I would. So many things would have been done different if only I could go back and change them now. People probably think that I am crazy when they read this. I just miss you so much, I don't want to let you go. I love you Giz.5/16/06 My sweet boy, it was 14 years ago yesterday that I brought you home. You were so tiny, not even a pound. We were all so afraid that we were going to step on you, you were always right under our feet. But you were a tough little guy, you survived while we learned how to take care of our new precious little boy. Little did we know at the time just how much you would change our lives. I cannot believe that much time has passed. I was so young when we brought you home, you were my 15th birthday present. I miss you so much, not a day goes by that I don't think of you, cry about you, just wish so much that I could touch your little face, rub your belly. Anything just to have alittle more time with my best friend. Things have changed so much lately, some days it is so hard to get out of bed. But I do, I just have to. I look at your pictures and smile and think, you are in a wonderful place now. In no pain, hopefully with lots of room to run, at least I hope that is how it works. I am selfish though, I want you here with me again. I need you so much right now, to listen to me while I try to make sense out of my life, even though you never gave any advice, I could always count on you to listen, even turn your head from side to side like you were really taking in every word that I was saying, who knows, maybe you were. Well angel, I need to try to get some sleep. Know that your momma loves you more than anything, and thinks about you constantly. Goodnight baby, I love you. 12/12/06 1:30am Another late night where I just stare at the clock. You are on my mind everyday but today more than ever. You have been in my thoughts constantly today. I was so overcome with grief earlier. I felt the way that I did that day, when I had to let you go. Only I have never been able to really let you go. It has been almost 2 years now and it is just as painful today as it was that day. I cannot believe it has been that long. I really don't think that the hurt is ever going to go away. I still sleep with a teddybear at night that I put one of the sweaters that you use to wear on. It does comfort me alittle, to have something of yours with me while I sleep. Aaron thinks that I am totally crazy, I am almost 30 now and still sleeping with a stuffed animal. He doesn't understand but I know you do. I know people would think I am crazy if they knew how long I have cried and mourned for you. Some people just don't realize how much a pet can change your life. Mom still has Taz. He is getting big now, he just turned 1. He weigh's about 8lbs or so now. There are things that he does that remind me of you sometimes. I was there a few weeks ago and he did something that he has never done before. I layed on the couch and usually when I do that he jumps all over me and wants to play, licking my face and everything. This time, he didn't do that. He jumped up, curled up in a little ball and rested his face over my ankle. The same thing that you had done hundreds of times. It took me by such suprise, for a second, it was like you were there with me again, curled up with me on the couch. I had tears in my eyes as I looked down at him. He stayed like that for a long time and I was glad. I miss you so, so much. This has been such a bad year. So many things have happened, and seem to continue happening every week to really test my strength and faith. I think of all the times that you sat with me as I faced difficult times years ago and I long for that. You always listened and turned your head from side to side as I spilled my heart out to you, I know you always understood that something was wrong and I just needed to talk. I would give anything just to hold you one more time, to see your perfect little face. I miss you and love you more than ever. 5/3/07 My little angel, it has been quite a while since I have written, that does not mean that you have not been in my thoughts though. You are in my mind everyday. I had a portrait of you made, it has one of my favorite pictures of you on one side and the rainbow bridge poem on the other. It is so beautiful, I had one made for mom too. I am not sure where I am going to hang it yet, I want to find just the right spot. I love you so much and miss you each and everyday. I am going to try and go out to where you are buried in the next week or so. I want to take some flowers out to your grave and visit you for a while. I wish you were not buried so far away, I would visit more often if I could. I am so glad to have this page, I feel like I visit you here too. If I could I would give up everything I own to have you back again. You are so missed by me and the rest of the family. I love you so much little man.10/8/07 My precious baby, it has been too long since I have sat down to write to you. Please do not think that I have forgotten about you, that is something that will never happen. I have been sitting here for a long time now thinking and crying wishing there was something that I could do just to hold you again. Things have gone from bad to worse for us over the past year. I am finally back to work after being off for a year on medical leave, I thought everyday when I was stuck at home just how much better it would have been to have you by my side. You always made days brighter and more bearable. I am sorry to say that since you have left me and things have happened to cause so much grief in my life, I am finding it harder and harder to get out of bed on my days off work. I know that I depended on you for so much more than just a pet, I needed you there for support, in a way it was not like I was raising you, but you were raising me, giving me strength when I could not find it on my own. I cannot seem to do it on my own right now. I miss you my precious angel. I am facing so many things in my life right now, I have so many hard decisions to make. I might be moving back home with mom for a while. I know she wants me too, and it will be the best thing for me but I am having trouble giving up my independance. You know how I like to have my alone time, or when you were there, our alone time. Now, it is pretty much just me and my fish. They are not much help. Anyway, I just wanted to say hello, I love you more than I ever thought my heart could love anything. Nothing will change that. My angel, I will try to make it out to your forever home and take you your annual pumpkin. I was looking at your halloween costumes the other day, I know I should give them to someone that can use them but I just cannot seem to part with your things. Maybe in time I will, but then again, maybe I wont. I love you baby, please visit me again really soon, I need you now more than ever. Shannon

gizmo's People Parent(s), shannon, would appreciate knowing you have visited their Baby's Residency. Click here to Email shannon a message, or to send a sympathy card click here. Email this page to a friend.

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