Topaz's eyes were so yellow I named him "precious" Topaz; yellow topaz is very rare these days. He slept on my head. He shepherded me through a political candidacy, went to my doctoral program with me, and comforted me when my husband died.

Topaz was as sad as I was at losing my husband, and began to lose weight. If I had not had to feed Topaz, I would have layed in bed and died myself. So, he saved my life. He helped me move on, and saw me to my new house and the relaunching of my nursing career.

But, he was getting old. Cats are fastidious. He was losing control of his bodily functions, which I know embarrassed him. Yesterday, he cried all night, wouldn't eat or drink, and was having what looked like to seizures. I knew it was time.

I chose to drive him back to our old home town, to his regular veterinarian. During the two hours, Topaz and I talked and talked, reliving stories of his time with me.

The vet put in an IV and gave Topaz sedation and gave me time to say my goodbys. I thanked Topaz for mitigating the bittersweet pain of sending my son on to his life, for pouring over political strategies, for reading political science books with me, for sleeping on my head to assure I was sleeping, for helping nurse my husband through his last days, and I thanked him for saving my life when I did not think I could move on.

The vet made sending him on comfortable. The sedation relaxed him, and I saw the pain leave his face for the first time in six months. I held him as his heart stopped. I wrapped him in fuzzy blanket, told my old friend goodby, and they took him away. He will cremated and will come to his final resting place at my husband's grave side.

When I got back to what is now my new home, I missed Topaz meeting me at the door. I thought about all my Topaz stories. I fell asleep, restlessly, without him wrapping himself around my pillow. I missed that.

My heart is heavy today, but letting him go was the loving thing to do. I miss you, Topaz. I'll see you on the other side of the Rainbow Bridge. I know you are swatting butterfies. I am so glad your pain is gone. You can eat all you want without getting sick.